Finding Merry

christmas is coming
presents yet to be bought
cards sitting on my table
not to worry... the postman comes again tomorrow
it's cold today, winter's sun mostly hidden
amazing what clouds can do
amazing what clouds can do
i can't seem to focus
My spirit lies in another room...
let me see, which room is that
come out, come out where ever you are
do i say that to my spirit or is it the sun i'm speaking to...
focus, having trouble with my mind behaving
sun, breakout from those pesty clouds
please can't you come out to play
to lighten our days with your golden rays
christmas is coming
Lord knows I mean well
but God, send me a little snow
and while you're at it
find which room i put spirit
and one more thing Lord if You please
hang this misfit spirit upon my frame
Then spirit and me, well...
we'll just shake off these blahdy blahs
to wish everyone a Merry Christmas
and a God Bless !

~ p. thibodeau-baker ~

Fear

A monster dwells in our home
And I know not who to tell
He steals from me my safeness
And lingers where no one sees
At night, alone, I hear his footsteps
Moving swiftly, softly, nearer my door
Slowly, silently the knob turns
A sound so often heard before
Locks are only for the grown
And I’m young and small
My darkened house is quiet
Most slumber under the angel’s dust
Tightly curled beneath my blanket
I cringe, cramped with such fear
For within this house,
A monster stalks…
Not all my family sleeps

~ p. thibodeau-baker ~

Changed

Gladness,exuberance and joy pulsate in harmony

As God gently cradles my soul.

Can you not see, my friends, how

He saves me through His lovely grace,

How He forgives the messiness in my life?

Incrementally, slow,

Oh, so very slow at first,

As I learn to trust in Him.

He tills my heart,

And Love is seeded to grow.

Cynicism fades to nothingness,

Where softness and strength reside

Nailing truth to spirit and courage to my spine.

He teaches how to love a stranger

And He alone saves life from ruin.

All this when, out of my despair,

I shouted: can You really do all this for me?

Oh, friends, do you not remember how I was?

Do you not delight at what you see?

A shard of light shot from the depths of His universe

Carries upon its beam an answer to my prayer.

God’s words so softly spoken

Can easily go unheard

Until sometime later,

When I quiet my being and still my mind:

Ah yes! That is what You say…

Thank You.

Yes, now I see.

Now I understand.

~paulette thibodeau-baker~

A Promise

if I give you a penny

what do you offer in return

do you hand to me your heart

to heat the passions of my soul

if I give you a penny

is there more to you I owe

an offering of my fidelity

that a mere lifetime cannot hold

and from the depth of my being

gift to you love, honor and kindness

with sweetness the cornerstone to our home

promise to me and I to you

violence our children will never see

nor feel…

nor hear…
and in your certitude
can you always protect them from fear

if I give you a penny

do you promise all this to me?

~ p. thibodeau-baker ~

A Congregation

we come to God one lamb at a time.
first there is one to be soon
joined by another,
then three of us, now four
and soon we are several.
protected by our Shepherd
we grow into a flock.
thank you Father,
for together we are safe.
now we can learn to love our neighbors,
the wolf and the fox.

~ p. thibodeau-baker ~

Personal Political Commentary

A friend recently emailed me her concern about our nation's troubles and her concern for our troubled moral path and future. This is my response to her email:

Thank you. We must ferret out truth. Many believe that truth is "relative". It appears many of us have accepted the proposition when one politician is caught telling lies: "Oh, they all do it."  If we as citizens buy into this, then we have reduced our own moral standards and succeeded in lowering our expectations for our politicians.  As a people we need to hold ourselves and our politicians to higher standards. 

One thing we can do as citizens is not to reward politicians who lie to us with our vote. Why do we bestow our elected political types with the honors of high office when they show us such disdain and contempt as to lie to us.  When we lower the bar by assuming "they all lie" then the ones caught in their lies win because they have managed to tarnish their opponents  who have shown nothing wrong.  

Sorry for saying so much, but I feel strongly about this. We are part of the problem when we vote for people who have lied to us, their constituents. Lying to  "we the people" is not ok. We, who have entrusted our elected persons with our political welfare and our nation's financial resources, deserve the respect a servant holds for his master. It's time, perhaps, for us to reclaim that respect. We can only do that if we ourselves hold truth as an important asset to our individual and to our nation's character.

Maybe we are asking the wrong question when we ask: "Do they not get it?" The more appropriate question we should be asking ourselves: "When will we get it?"

Paulette

A Sunday Offering

thank you God for a cat’s soft paws,
the smile of a trusting child,
and fresh fallen snow
reflecting the beauty of an evening sky.
thank you for Your gracious gifts of
bountiful food, clothes, safe harbors,
books to read and time to grow,
and your divine inspiration to spiritual growth.
thank you Father,
for warm friendships that console
often transforming despair to joy,
for the twinkle in my lover’s eye
and the sweet smile upon his lips.
in return for the magnificence of our lives
we will attend one another:
clothing a naked child,
comforting a despairing widow,
and rescuing a lone girl prostitute
who only seeks her next meal.
we will place a plow in the hands
of a farmer to feed his family, his neighbors;
a sewing machine in the home of a woman to clothe
her family and her village.
we will speak the words of Your Son Jesus
to spread light and hope in corners of despair,
sharing our gifts, our love, our compassion.
we will offer our neighbors kindness, forgiveness
and care for their families when in trouble.
thank you God for a cat’s soft paws
the golden glory of a rising sun
and the far away smile of a mother
who can now feed her child

~ p. thibodeau-baker ~

HAIKU

An unkind remark
Your eyes fill with pain then tears 
My friend walks away

Furry pussycats
Tread silently on soft paws
Another mouse falls

Soldier do you cry?
A nation's conscience can't hear
We sent you away

Blood drips into sand
A doobell, a telegram
Your child served well

A soft little cat
A rainy day purrs and purrs
God is marvelous

A people are freed
Liberators assaulted
Truth holds no value

France's moral shame
No risk to a withered spine
A nation's parched soul

No, please, no goodbyes
You'll not come this way again
Steep is my sorrow

Head bowed, eyes lowered
I ask God to walk with me
Joy uplifts my soul

p. thibodeau-baker

A Soldier’s Night

This day is done
How cold the night is, so very cold
Huddled beneath my blanket, my hands tremble
When I think of what I’ve done
And of the things I’ve seen, and of the children...
The folks at home, if they knew
But how could they know
This is too different
To know people live this way
This dry encrusted dirt...
Soaked in my blood...
Will this help?
I must stay focused,
Though the reasons have become muddled
I must stay focused, 
If one day these people are to see the difference

p. thibodeau-baker

Haiku

fear’s sweet sour smell
pop pop goes another gun
slip the bad man’s soul

stealth is your nature
aloofness your well-known mask
but I pet a cat

minds struggle to think
age hangs loose upon man’s frame
death just brushed my cheek

shifting dunes of time
tick tick until nothingness
life meets a locked door

chop those weeds chop chop
pretty flowers heaven’s gift
who would plant a weed

paulette thibodeau-baker

With Love to My Aunt

the dance is done and all have gone home.
what was life's theatre is now so quiet, so quiet.
life's frantic pace, what was that all about?
i'm so tired, maybe just a moment's rest in this empty seat.
lights now off, the stage stands cloaked in darkness.
looking about. no one there. all that noise that was my life.
i look past the stage, now i see...
they're all trying to look in, but they cannot see.
they cannot see me sitting here looking to them.
i love you all. all my family, all my friends.
i love you all, can you hear ?
no, they cannot...
this must be my time to reflect,
my time to think what my life really meant.
oh my God, what have i done.
all those choices made by me and not one can be undone.
do they know, God, how i loved them?
did i not tell them?
please, please tell me i did.
oh, dear ones, hear this if you never hear anything else...
i love you all, so very much...
please know this was what my noise was all about.
what is happening?
the lights above the stage...so bright...but who?..is it time?
yes, i'm ready. thank You.
Your Hand in mine...?
oh thank You.
yes, i love You too.

paulette thibodeau-baker

a freeman’s son bleeds
did you love my dead child?
blood whets shifting dunes

So alone, I lie here
my fingers grasp only sand
my mouth is so dry

a glass of water
is there anyone to hear?
death comes, so thirsty…

does anyone hear?
my heart, it no longer beats
does anyone care?

p. thibodeau-baker

Through Anger to Joy

If my anger tears your heart, stomps your spirit, kills your dreams,
And you love me back with kindness, love and forgiveness.
How do we go forward or am I forever doomed?
You alone cannot lift me.
And alone I should be left
For you to become more in life filled with joy.
How dare I destroy that gentleness,
And destroy I will.
How do I reckon with anger I don’t understand?
Can your kindness, love and forgiveness bring me to a better place?
Or must I go there on my own?
This journey of ours is made anguished
By my traversing a path I need to forego.
Thank you for your gift of time, your gift of love.
And for you I will choose a path with a softer footing, an open heart,
A kinder love, a forgiven past…
All this so that joy might dwell in our home.

p.thibodeau-baker

Fairies

Flit! Flit! Flit!
Amidst the brightness of a sparkling night sky 
Flickering about a starlit universe 
Sweet to be a fairy 
Lovely to be this free
Once like you, we did our time
Gave it the old college try
Flunked out of life
Called home
Chastised for our misadventures
And told that one-day we’ll have to go back
But not until they catch us!
Flit! Flit! Flit!
Dancing through the galaxies our spirits hum
Yes, we’ll have to go back…
God is good.
The secret of the universe?
God loves His fairies!

p. thibodeau-baker

Where You Need To Be

  We move from a Godly kingdom

To find ourselves part of this modern day world

God gifted us dawn and days and days of light

From a sun that heats our hearts

And thaws our humanity

You do not have to walk alone nor fear the dark

Listen to life’s music,

Sounds of early morning and gentle nights

Careful … so as not to miss

God’s whisper of His Love for us

Go where I am needed,

For there you need to be

For your hands, your sweat, your heart and love

Will do My work for Me

p.thibodeau-baker

SOULS

Each soul is likened to a grain of sand
When contemplated within the universe,
Each grain having a unique position:
Each its own journey.
How is it some souls leave footprints in the sand,
While others appear as mist from the sea?
Does God measure the depth and size of the footprints?
Or does He analyze every fragment in the sea?
I like to think He knows each grain of sand
As well as the journey of each of His souls.
It’s enough for me that He knows.

Paulette Thibodeau-Baker 

A short, short, short story...

After entering my home, I quietly close my front door. A cup of coffee followed by a hot bath and a good book, now that’s how to end a day. You see, when you turn sixty-three you tend to settle for the little quiet things in life.

But first things must come first. I feed my aussie Zeke and my three cats, Jasper, Sammi and Honeybunny. The little furry creatures now busy eating, I start my bath running with nice hot water and then pour a hot cup of coffee as I catch a few minutes of news. How lovely…

Ring a ding ding…ring a ding ding…ring a ding ding.  “Hello ? No my house is not up for sale ! No you cannot come by to look at it. Listen…No you can’t ! Who are you anyway? What do you mean you’re in my driveway? ! “

Ding dong…ding dong…ding dong. What the heck…Opening the door I see two elderly people that come up to my chin (I’m 5’3”). Flabbergasted, I just stare at them. “What is it you want,” I ask.

“We want to buy your house,” they answered.

“Why do you want to buy my house,” I angrily asked?

“Because your tub overflows, your coffee turned cold and you are about to enter another realm,” they said. As they said this, my world darkened and I awoke to gentle, sweet, sweet music, and the most vibrant and beautiful colors an artist could possibly imagine. Thank you God for the sweet ending to my day and bringing me home to Your beautiful garden.

p.thibodeau-baker

Awakening

With a heart, heavier than air,
I walk through days as if among the dead.
No event touches my soul,
teases my spirit, arouses my passion.
What difference this
from she who has passed on?
She who exited into the other realm
no longer walks the dead woman’s walk.
Can I bring life back to this spirit,
unshackle its weight by shedding its past,
tweak my soul telling it here we go?
And from within, can I measure out courage to change?
Death surrounds unless I do.
Resurrection, I promise myself, is today:
vitality and vibrancy become my new mantra.
Yes, today I will grow.
To know that each day
is an open page to fill,
to note the revelations of all I sense
and my human responses.
The bluest of sky, the dazzle of a blazen sun,
the richness of earth’s colors and all of its scents:
its golds, sea greens fragrant in it's salted air ,
and deepest soil browns heady in smell and moist to the hand.
Shouting away this pain caused by others, I live, I feel:
the wind as it tousles my hair,
the heat of the earth as it sooths my feet,
and the warmth of another soul who smiles in passing.
After all, the difference of she
who has crossed over into eternity’s other realm
and I is not so great:
She has awakened to a new life and I the same
Paulette Thibodeau-Baker

God and The Big Bang

I wonder how the world began:
Such blues, greens and visions of gold,
Glorious to behold!
Animals of great loveliness, size, majesty,
This I understand…
But why oh why, did God make man?
What we do to His earth
And to His lovely creatures,
All in the name of survival
And sometimes,
In the name of God.
Yet here we are, created by Him.
No!
Wait…
Now I understand!
Bowling energy into matter
God thundered out His universe,
And the Big Bang created man!

Paulette Thibodeau-Baker

HAIKU

an old lit lantern
white whiskered furry feline
a moth’s wings go limp

newborn puppies
an old dog sleeps on
a young boy’s heart breaks

greens turned gold
dried veined leaf crackles
to busy i never looked

a loved friend moves on
hold tight a treasure
diminished circle still round

bad people exist
lethal injection
and for us God weeps

I see I hear I feel
life fades to nothing
death is a contrast

paulette thibodeau-baker

Remembering a gentle soul

your heart we hold close to our own...
impish taunts to a brother you loved well
and youthful secrets shared he swore never to tell.
we remember the bright colors you loved to wear,
purple coveralls, pink tee shirt, green high tops
and perfume sweet as a pear.
how you changed outfits at least three times a day.
we promise not to dwell on the choices you made,
choices, had we been able, we would have undone.
we thank you for your exuberance,
your gentleness, your love,
and, with time, we’ll forgive you this pain.
your life’s cadence hummed to the rhythm in your head,
music performed by a one-woman band.
each soul writes its own diary -
each one of us has our own shout.
you danced with defiance,
for the glory of living your own life.
dare we not judge, for few of us knew,
your heartaches, your sorrows, your joys,
your little triumphs over strife.
today, my sweet Kristen, we hold you in our hearts
as God holds you in His arms,
for He loves a gentle soul,
and we thank Him for that.
~p. thibodeau-baker~

Ramblings...

Oct. 21, 2010

This represents my first attempt at blogging. I have no idea where this will lead, but maybe we can have some fun. I use to write (years ago) for newspapers while attending the University of Connecticut and had a blast doing it. I wrote a couple of lead stories for the Hartford Courant Sunday Magazine and for the newspaper itself. I wrote for my college paper the Connecticut Daily Campus, the Willimantic Chronicle and the Journal Inquirer.

Of course we’re talking some forty years ago, but my mind still remembers. As there is no editor reading my work I know I will certainly embarrass myself from time to time if not more often than that.

My organizational skills are weak but my insights into people and events tend to be keen (at least in my mind). My political views lean conservative although I recently found out that I’m still registered as a democrat in my town. Maybe someday I’ll do something about that. Then again, maybe I won’t. I do know there is not one democrat I’ll vote for this election cycle which is not my usual way of voting. I just don’t take to the idea of our political representatives lying to us and I can’t subscribe to the notion “that they all do it”. That just seems to me to be too cynical as well as setting the bar too low.

I enjoy the law. When in college I thought about becoming a lawyer but never did. But, my very best male friends did. I always wondered if I had something to do with that as I always seemed to engage them in debate over lunch, over dinner, over beer…and so forth. I think you get the idea.

Now, what do I do about this blogging thing? Let me think on this and I’ll get back to you. Maybe I’ll start out writing about the Bush v Gore US Supreme Court Case. I’d be willing to bet most of you do not really know why that case was so interesting…I can tell you most of our journalists failed to appreciate the interesting parts.

I’ll leave you with this for today:  Did you know that the man who represented Bush before the Supreme Court became our Solicitor General and lost his wife on 9/11? Mrs. Theodore Olson was on the jet that slammed into the Pentagon.

Until next time…

p. thibodeau-baker